Those “Good Old Days?”

Maybe, maybe not

“If only things could be the way they used to be.” Heard it… thought it myself many a time. If only…

Nostalgia is a familiar emotion for a lot of us. The older we get, the more years we have to look back on and, in some cases, wish we could experience again. This doesn’t hold true for every person, and pretty much all of us could recall certain experiences we would never wish on ourselves again. And, in fact, countless people have led difficult, even heartbreakingly painful lives they truly would not want to revisit. But for the moment, let’s ask ourselves of what value is nostalgia.

Depending on your age, various eras will seem like “the good old days.” In some ways, they may have felt that way. We may witness the immense changes over decades and not like what we see. Let’s face it, most human beings are not fond of change. We get comfortable with what we ‘know’ (or think we know) and less and less comfortable with what we don’t know. It’s easy to completely overlook what’s better about the present time while fretting about what seemed better in the past, but I understand why we do. And I’m not just talking about waking up and seeing a few grey hairs and a few wrinkles that were most certainly not there when we went to bed the night before. Sometimes we look at the world around us, as it is, and feel, in retrospect, that something has been lost, and certainly there is evidence to support that troubling sensation.

I liked it when almost no one used profanity in public, or flipped off total strangers with a middle finger, or shoved ahead to get in line at the store, or acted out their anger via road rage, or even thought about shooting guns into crowds of human beings. I miss the days when kids didn’t defy (or threaten) their parents and their teachers. I miss the sort of respect for the elderly that seemed to have once been expected of us all. Heck, I miss plain old good manners and civility. And when we look around at the many ills from which our society suffers, it is easy, if naïve, to yearn for those “good old days.” But were they that good? Or as good as we think they were?

It's tempting to have this sort of “rose-colored-glasses” perspective of times gone by. Depending on when we grew up, we hearken back to the days of Ozzie and Harriet, Father Knows Best, Leave it to Beaver (full disclosure—I liked June, Ward, Wally, and the Beaver). The kids generally tended to do as they were told, or taught, and felt some measure of guilt when they made the choice to lie, or cheat at something, or shoplift a candy bar. But most of their peccadillos were pretty minor in the grand scheme of life. Perhaps the worst thing Opie Taylor ever did was accidentally kill a songbird with his new slingshot, and boy, did Andy have something to say about that. Opie decided to hand feed the orphaned chicks and they survived. It was all heartwarming and happily ever after…and simple. It was a slice of idyllic life, tiidly wrapped up in half an hour (20 minutes without commercials). I liked it, too. I almost cried over Opie trying to get the dead bird to fly again. BUT… here’s the rub: it wasn’t necessarily real. They weren’t real people, they were actors playing roles. They lived in a sort of fantasy of how things could be, or how we wished they could be.

But, despite some lovely and touching portrayals of all that is best in human beings—honesty, respect, loyalty, love, kindness, compassion—that was never how ALL people behaved, not then, not now. Some did; in fact, quite a lot of people probably did. But these “morality plays” never showed life happening beyond the perimeter of Mayberry, or Mayfield (the Cleavers), or the other semi-fictional towns. They were no more a real slice of life than today’s so-called “reality TV” which exists only to generate revenue and is (in my opinion) generally far less palatable or admirable. It never ceases to puzzle me that the average person would care what some pseudo-celebrity is doing (shouting, whining, divorcing… whatever), instead of focusing on his or her own actual life. Clearly our definition of entertainment has changed dramatically, sometimes for the better, sometimes the worse. But either way, television and film have rarely been focused on anything but illusions—some pleasant, some not so much—that alter perceptions.

Let’s take the 50s. It wasn’t all sock hops, malt shops, and letter sweaters (and music that parents hated; note: all parents tend to hate music their children like. I’m pretty sure that’s a tradition). We loved “Lucy” and admired Donna Reed’s ability to do housework in pearls and a shirtwaist dress, and we laughed at Ralph Kramden. But it was also the time of rigid Jim Crow segregation laws in the South, discrimination against people of color in housing, employment, and education. Women had few options for choosing a professional life and were expected to ‘chase’ that wedding ring. Gender roles were confining. McCarthyism was on the rise, and eventually his rabid crusade would destroy lives, families, friendships… all based on his feeding the public almost daily doses of paranoia. Those who opposed him were instantly ostracized as “commies.” Most people in public life learned to say as little as possible about their own personal opinions lest they attract the attention of the House Un-American Activities Committee.

How about the 60s? Television series were still trotting out that idyllic nuclear family  going about their daily lives with only the most minor of setbacks. Poor Darren had to deal with his magical wife on Bewitched, Hogan’s Heroes made being a prisoner of war seem amusing and fun, and Gidget frolicked her way through teenage years. But out there in the real world we saw growing frustration and anger with racial discrimination, gender discrimination, the Viet Nam war, poverty, slumlords, police brutality, riots, and unrest in the parts of society that were not quite so privileged as the people we saw on television. Young people were rebelling against the status quo in ways that puzzled prior generations. In 1969, police raided a gay club, The Stonewall Inn, in New York City, sparking protests and riots. In most all states, gay sex was still a criminal offense.

Then came the 70s… We were watching Love Boat, The Partridge Family (yes, I liked their music), and Mary Tyler Moore, but some pushback from social issues crept in—the “controversial” Maude (bless Bea Arthur), All in the Family (finally addressing bigotry and narrow-mindedness), and a landmark series, M.A.S.H. that brough the reality of war to the small screen. In the news, at Kent State, the National Guard shot and killed four students involved in a protest. Richard Nixon showed what he was made of… and it wasn’t good, thus Watergate. We saw lines at gas stations, the Pentagon Papers scandal, crime and inflation out of control, two assassination attempts on a U.S. President, and the imprisonment of hundreds of American hostages at the U.S. Embassy in Iran when the Shah was deposed. Maryland became the first state to statutorily ban same-sex marriage. In this decade, over thirty million total jobs were eliminated through factory closings, relocations, and phased elimination of operations.

Taking a peek at the 80s… our entertainment kept evolving in keeping with a changing world. Designing Women (oh, that Dixie Carter and her costars), The Wonder Years (hearkening back to the past), Murphy Brown (an actual journalist), Seinfeld began its run, and The Cosby Show seemed to finally portray people of color as successful, dedicated professionals (we all know how false an image that turned out to be in real life for Bill Cosby). In the cities and towns of America, cocaine was becoming the drug of choice, along with its cheaper form (crack). The tragedy of AIDS ballooned to epidemic proportions. The LGBTQ community was still fighting for its civil rights. Women were still paid a fraction of what men were paid for the same work and the glass ceiling was completely intact.

We could go even further backward or forward in history, but I’m sure you get the point. Sometimes we only remember what seemed good to us, but we all have selective memory. I recall a dear friend talking about her father, whose personality had changed considerably for the better as he got elderly. In his younger years, he’d been quite the ‘holy terror’ of the household, indulging in shouting and criticism and generally making everyone walk on eggshells. But in his golden years, he talked about his past (both as a youth and as an adult) as if it had been filled with wonderful family trips, sparkling holiday dinners, and fun outings (all quite ‘warm and fuzzy’), just like a 50s sitcom come to life. As my friend put it, “apparently it’s never too late to have had a happy childhood.” His children lovingly and kindly chose not to try and disabuse him of this odd misperception. It didn’t really matter anymore. Life had moved on for all of them.

Nostalgia can be kind of fun (like listening to Golden Oldies on the radio), but there is a downside to it, if we get lost in the past and end up resenting the present, OR if what we are longing for shows up as the ‘dark’ side of human nature. There are those who long for a time when ‘lesser’ people knew their place and kept to it. When women shut up and did as they were told. When a wealthy businessman could fire anybody for any reason, or not hire someone because of skin color or religion or gender. When rich people called the shots and poor people took their lumps without complaining. When a “colored” (the adjective of past era) man could be lynched, or a home burned down, and the local sheriff would buy the “boys” a round of drinks to celebrate with a wink and a nod. When gay people could be ‘bashed’ at will, or a woman beaten by her husband, and the police had nothing to say about it. When a woman’s right to choose and have reproductive care she needs is not available to her.

When, a few months ago, presidential candidate, Vice President Kamala Harris, adopted as one of her campaign slogans, “We’re not going back,” it is this dark side of human impulses she was referring to, the mindset that creates and perpetuates social and economic inequities. There have been a plethora of indications in recent years that there is a segment of society who most certainly DO want to go back to a rigidly male-dominated social structure commanded by the wealthiest individuals. They feel that they themselves are best suited to making important decisions in government, while everyone else is too ignorant, too poor, too muddle-headed, too “non-traditional,” too focused on individual rights, too female, too gay, too liberal to be qualified even to vote, let alone govern. There are those who, to this day, think the kind of society portrayed in ‘living technicolor’ in Gone With the Wind where Southern men were knightly cavaliers, their women stood by them, and all the enslaved people were somehow quite content to be so, is a perfect blueprint for today.

Now THAT is scary. I have no desire to see our society to devolve. We left behind the world of “peasants and kings,” serfs and lords,” “slaves and masters” and it needs to STAY part of the past and that world must never be our reality again. If you think that could never happen, I suggest you think again. We have been awash in hateful rhetoric that suggests exactly that kind of thinking. There is no long any attempt to disguise a deeply troubling agenda; it’s right out there. The MAGA leader, DJT, is the most noticeable voice of the rich and powerful. He has shown his contempt for the ‘lower’ classes. He is very much “the man who would be king.” His avowed heroes are iron-fisted dictators he describes as smart, tough leaders who know how to run a country. His allies are white supremacists and hard line regressive evangelicals and of course the wealthiest of the wealthy. Their blueprint for a ‘new order’ constructed along authoritarian lines is Project 2025. Everything you need to know about their vision is in there, and it’s an ugly picture indeed. On the other hand, those who want to live inside a real life version of A Handmaid’s Tale will enjoy the 900+ page read, and underline their favorite parts.

BUT… there is a new day dawning. I feel confident in saying that there are far MORE good, kind, responsible, thoughtful people in this world than there are people who don’t give a damn, or who want nothing but power and money. And there always have been. Seriously. Millions upon millions of Americans and the people of every nation have worked hard, cared for their families and friends, volunteered their time, energy, and money to help their communities, and always done their best to be good citizens. I believe people like that ARE the majority and far outnumber those who want to “go back.” That translates to millions upon millions who are focused on moving FORWARD, determined to create a calmer, saner, more united and environmentally healthier world, and leave behind ideas that no longer serve any of us—a distorted mix of illusion and reality and “woulda, coulda, shoulda” that was not the whole truth then and isn’t the whole truth now.

Fortunately, we have the power to reclaim our ideals and use them to guide us. We can get past our growing pains because we all have had those—painful experiences we don’t need to repeat. I believe we could have a country of which we could truly be proud on many levels. But it will take some rebuilding… not on nostalgia, but on optimism instead of pessimism, kindness instead of callousness, acceptance instead of bigotry. We need to use the wisdom gained from past experience; the ones that may have hurt the most remind us to make a promise to ourselves… “never again.”

We need not wallow in mea culpas, be sidetracked by shame over our failures or our abdications of responsibility to our fellow human beings. We did whatever we did, some of which was praiseworthy, some not so much. We learn, we keep moving on. The great thing about growing up spiritually, as an individual, as a nation, and as part of a world community is that it offers great opportunities for “do-overs,” not with the same people, nor in the same circumstances, but with a new perspective, a new sense of self-worth, and far more salutary outcomes.

Let us embrace the limitless potential of the “now’ moment, from which anything is possible and be exquisitely thoughtful about what we choose to create. It’s up to us to BE the presence of Love and Light in a world that truly needs it. Each day presents to us a clean slate… what will we write upon it?

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I invite you to view and share this beautiful music video recently created by talented songwriter/lyricist/musician William Galison featuring professional musicians, dancers, cinematographers and technical staff who volunteered their time not only to honor the message Vice President Kamala Harris is bringing to our nation, but as a declaration of intent for the future. Please share with others who would enjoy it.

Not Going Back

“God Bless this Land, of Yes we can, Where hopes and dreams can grow
We’ve come so far, to where we are, There’s still so far to go!”